‘Didn’t know the
love has gotten that strong,’ your phone beeps, an incoming WhatsApp message
from Edu. ‘Your relationship status update on facebook. Thumbs up.’ You told
him about Kay last December, when the relationship was barely two months old.
You send him a
laugh emoticon; it’s indeed funny, the ‘thumbs up’, albeit you’re at a loss
what he’s congratulating you for: the love that ‘has gotten that strong’ or the
status you updated. Whichever, you don’t consider it a feat. You think instead
it’s luck, sheer luck, you’ve dated Kay for over a year now. And the ‘In a
relationship with Kay since 27 September, 2014’ status had been there until a
day – less than a day – ago when you had to change it to ‘Single’ because
Morgana, Kay’s elder sister, disapproved of the relationship and you had to
break up briefly, very briefly, with Kay. Now everything has been resolved,
somewhat, and you thought it wise to restore the former status.
‘It’s over a
year now naa.’ Once you’ve sent him that, you have this inkling that it’s
perhaps your ‘boldness’ at going public with the relationship that he
congratulated you for. For you know how many a man (and girls too: Cindy often
tell you how she wouldn’t show her guy how she love him lest it give him an
advantage over her. You’ve heard some girls too lie about not dating their
boyfriends, at the guys’ back of course.) think a man’s greatest tragedy is
showing his girl more love than she shows him; how many a man think their love
for their girls should be baits that make the girls keep begging for more.
Of course you
can’t see you’ve done anything bold. You love a girl, fb asks you if you do,
you say yes. Finish!
‘Really?
Didn’t even know
I’m really
growing tired of relationships’
‘I sometimes get
tired, too. If ever I break up with her, then it’s over. But I love her.’
‘Of course you
do J No
guy broadcasts to the world his love for a girl who doesn’t love her
You know I’ve
gone deep with Ruby and due to that reason I gave up on so many other girls
I mean more
beautiful and understanding girls’
You know Ruby, an
uncertain – what with her heavy cosmetic titivation – chocolate-complexioned beauty.
‘Yet it didn’t work with her after all your sacrifices?’
‘No regrets tho
We still
together just that am tired of the whole shit
Have come to
realize that we’re not really an item’
‘Not an item?’
You miss the idiom.
‘Yap
Always having
cash issues’
His illumination
doesn’t help, but you let it be. Laugh emoticon.
‘It sounds funny
right?’
It’s really the tone
of his lamentations you find funny. ‘She requests money from you?’ You never
imagined Ruby would extort guys. You
hold her in high esteem; her openness with matters about sex and her unwanted
pregnancy whenever you chat with her on fb cast her as a very considerate and
mature girl.
‘Lol
Most girls do
And she happens
to be one of them’
However truthful
her comment that ‘most girls do’, you’re pissed off by it; it’s as though he’s
excusing his foolishness by the comment. ‘Nawa oo.
That’s one of my
tests of a girl’s love for me.
If you often
request from me, you don’t love me.’
‘Yap
But you know as
a guy you must assist your girl with little stuff’
‘And the girl
should assist me with little stuff, too.’ Shit, you didn’t see he used ‘must’!
‘See, I think really it’s we guys who let girls extort us by thinking we ALONE
should assist them financially.’
‘Like’
You think your
text is clear as clear can be. ‘I think financial assistance should be mutual.’
‘Right’
‘And in any
relationship I’m a party I make my position clear: that giving and taking
should be mutual.
Indeed I don’t
even “chyke” a girl at first if I found out she has that disposition that only
the guy should give and only the girl receive.
It’s injustice
to me.’
‘Men I’m just tired’
‘Tiredness won’t
solve a thing, bro.’
‘Don’t worry sha
am not letting it happen again’
But you’re
already worked up by this case, like you always are by every such case, of girls’
heartlessness, guys’ stupidity. ‘It’s for YOU to put a stop to all those
nonsense.
Even for a
seemingly unimportant matter as calls, I insist the girl call me too. I can’t
be the only one calling. It’s absolutely unfair and unacceptable to me.’
‘Really gonna do
that’
‘You have to.’
‘Just that you
know it ain’t as easy as it’s said’
‘It isn’t easy
because all along you’ve been the one giving her. It would seem odd waking up
someday and telling her you want giving to now be mutual.’
‘Not even abt
giving’
‘That’s why I always
define my stance ab initio. But fuck the oddity, you have to tell her.’
‘I mean letting
go’
You’re surprised
he’s admitted it now; some years back when Morgana – yes, she’s your ex! –
broke your heart he’d told how easily you could forget her. ‘Oh, that!
Yeah, but you
can.’
‘Cos I can’t
stop giving and expect everything to be normal btw us still
I know
Am trying to
actually’
‘Explain your
newfound enlightenment to her. If she can’t cope with it then find another
girl.
And be sure to
sure to make your position clear to the new girl from day 1.’
‘I have a couple
of girls already just that even with them being around
It’s still like
my heart is stuck with her
‘See, you’ll
lose many girls with this newfound enlightenment, but certainly those girls are
“losable”. Any girl who sees relationships as means to amass wealth from guys
is “losable”, should be done away with.
So you’ll lose
many girls, but the few you’ll have around you’d be glad you have them.’
‘She’s actually
the only problem when it comes to cash’
‘Women rant
about feminism and how men marginalize them, but they won’t agree there’s any
way whatever they marginalize men.
This, and many
more, is one such way.’
‘To her and her
types all she can ever offer in a relationship is sex’
‘About being
hard to leave her, I’ll give you the formula I used on Morgana and hope it
works for you.’
‘Ok ready to get
it’
‘You know about
the issue of sex, I don’t think a girl is actually offering me anything by
letting me do her. At least I don’t think she’s the ONLY one offering something
when we fuck. I offer her something, too. Sex is a mutual act, bro. Sexual pleasure,
too, is mutual. It’s not as though I’m the only one enjoying the fuck.
OK now the
formula:’
‘Aiit’
‘First minimize communication
with her.’
‘Am already on
that
But she calls’
‘If, for
instance, you used to call her daily, you could cut down to calling her once in
two or three days, depending on how far your emotions could carry you.’
‘Yap’
‘Like how often
does she call?’
‘I mean like if
she doesn’t hear from me’
‘OK. It doesn’t
matter, still keep at what you’re aiming at – cutting down communication with
her. You could give her one or other excuse when she asks why you don’t call as
often as you used to.’
‘Kk’
‘Then when you
think your emotions could carry it, extend the gap in communication to like
calling her once in 4 days or once in a week. And so on. Just keep increasing
the bridge in communication whenever you feel your feelings could extend the
bridge.’
‘Aiit’
‘You don’t have
to force anything, just go at the pace of your emotions.’
‘Kk’
‘With time you’d
find you could spend months without hearing from her and you’d feel perfectly
normal.’
‘Yap definitely’
‘And all the
while keep reassuring yourself that YOU own yourself. That the bad feelings
would still pass, that it certainly wouldn’t last forever. That it would pass
and you would feel fine again.’
‘Kk’
‘For an analogy:
identify yourself with the sky and see the bad feelings as the clouds just
sailing pass through you, the sky. They, the clouds, would certainly pass and
leave a clear, bright sky in their aftermath.’
‘Yap’
‘If you believe
in God, you could pray too. That s/he should take away the bad feelings for
you.’
‘Ok thanks a
bunch’
‘It might take
time, just don’t rush it. Go at your emotions’ pace.
Alright. My pleasure.’
‘Kk Bro
Thank you’
‘Udo di. Go out
there and be happy, nwanne. Nobody deserves to make you feel bad. J’
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